On Monday, a reader left the following comment on the post Connecting with nature, connecting with each other: “I remember as a kid exploring woods by myself and with friends, and by ten I was riding my bike alone a mile or more from home. But I don’t feel comfortable letting my kids even go to the park across the street alone. They don’t spend nearly as much time outside as I used to. I don’t know how much of the concern for children’s safety is real and how much is my perception, but I wish I could give my kids the freedom I had. It means that my kids get a very different childhood experience than I did, and not for the better in that sense, and although I think about this issue a lot, I’m frankly not sure how to resolve it, except to try to get more time outside myself with them.”
The issues raised in the comments are good ones. Something that many parents are struggling with these days. David Elkin reports in his recent book The Power of Play that “on a typical day, a child is six times more likely to play a computer game than ride a bike.” (p.27) I’ve read a few parenting websites which emphasize that the dangers of children staying inside and connected to the internet are far greater than those dangers they face playing outside. Whether the threat is real or perceived, however, finding ways to give children freedom to explore and connect with the world safely is a excellent goal, and finding time to spend with your children outside is a great start. It was the topic of recent NY Times op-ed essay by Nicholas Kristof, How to Lick a Slug. In the article, Kristof talks about his family’s backpacking summer ritual and reminds us of the powerful book Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv. In many places, public parks (national, state, county and neighborhood) are taking on a renewed value in the eyes of families looking for inexpensive and accessible ways to spend time together outdoors. But that doesn’t answer the question of children exploring independently. For that, the best resource I know of is the book and blog Free-Range Kids by syndicated columnist Lenore Skenazy – a writer and mother who is raising her preteen kids in New York City. (The subtitle of her book is Giving kids the freedom we had without going nuts with worry.- sounds pretty good to me!)
Your kids’ childhood will be different than yours – in someways for good and someways for the not-so-good. Do what you can to find small ways to recreate the times you loved most. For example, I come from a large family (nine kids) and love the memories of playing together. Since I only have two kids of my own (and most of my siblings have just two kids) we had a “Cousins Camp” week in July. We brought most of the kids together to get just a taste of “Big Family” feel. Maybe there is a friend or relative you can trade living spaces with for a week or long weekend. Kids in the city benefit from spending time in more rural areas, and vice-versa. If it works well, make it a summer tradition or try it in a different season. Or, perhaps explore bike trails where your kids can at times ride ahead of you. Even small moments of independence and exploration can translate into good feelings for your children and for you.
Thank you for the article. I appreciate it. You have a very good site.