“You can go back outside and ride bikes. Or we can play backgammon. Or you can do LEGOs.” The boys didn’t immediately jump at any of those options. They weren’t quite done sulking yet. Eventually, one went back to the LEGO car he’s been working on, and his brother took me up on the offer to play backgammon. Halfway through the game the brothers joined forces against me in the backgammon game.  We laughed and strategized. We tried our best to plan ahead; to anticipate each other’s moves; to make good decisions; and roll with the luck of the dice. They beat me fair and square. And by then it was time for the night time routine of bath, books and bed.

I am happy that I stuck to my guns about our school night rule, even though it initially made the boys sad. It would be easy to slide into the habit of watching DVDs every evening, but I know that small moments, such as beating mom at backgammon, and reading together, are too precious to give up.  These small moments are disappearing from our busy lives. It is sad, because the cumulative effect of these small moments are connected relationships and emotional security. Instead, we often have electronic gadgets entertaining our babies (check out this AT&T commercial) and plugged in, multi-tasking, tweens, teens (see the recent Kaiser Family Foundation report) and stressed-out grown ups (see just about any of us).

So, here’s to singing off-key on long family car trips – instead of using headphones and video screens; to talking together and sharing laughs over dinner – and leaving the TV off during the meal; and to beating mom real good at backgammon – especially on a school night.

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So what is the good news? The good news is this: parent involvement makes a difference. “Only about three in ten young people say they have rules about how much time they can spend watching TV (28%) or playing video games (30%), and 36% say the same about using the computer.  But when parents do set limits, children spend less time with media: those with any media rules consume nearly 3 hours less media per day (2:52) than those with no rules.“ (emphasis added)

It is heartening know, that even as the media explosion has exposed our children to more and more influences from outside the home, parents can still make a positive impact. That’s huge news, and I’ve been pondering the potential positive effects of mobilizing more parents to set media limits in their homes. If the KFF is finding that only three in ten young people have rules about TV, video games and computer use, imagine what would happen if we increased that number to six, seven or even eight out of ten. That would have an enormous effect on our children and our family life.

I have friends who are parents of teenagers, and they shut off their wireless internet at 10:oo p.m. every evening. Other parents take away phones at bedtime so their kids won’t text through the night.  Many families turn off the TV during meal times. Kids are apt to complain about these kinds of rules – that’s their job, isn’t it?  But in the end, telling your kids why you are making the rules, and having family meetings to review and revise rules as needed, will show your kids that you care about them.

What media rules do you have at your house? Share your ideas here and with other parents.  Let’s work together to increase the number of kids who have media rules at home! I am determined not to be depressed by the bad news brought to us by the KFF’s study.  Instead I am energized to activate parents!

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“Those ages 8 to 18 spend more than seven and a half hours a day with such devices, compared with less than six and a half hours five years ago, when the study was last conducted. And that does not count the hour and a half that youths spend texting, or the half-hour they talk on their cellphones.

And because so many of them are multitasking — say, surfing the Internet while listening to music — they pack on average nearly 11 hours of media content into that seven and a half hours.”

That is more time than they spend in school! In the comment section after the article, many teachers wrote in and reported rampant texting during class time. So even when kids are in school, they are often still plugged-in.

One mom’s story in particular hit home for me:

In Kensington, Md., Kim Calinan let her baby son, Trey, watch Baby Einstein videos, and soon moved him on to “Dora the Explorer.”

“By the time he was 4, he had all these math and science DVDs, and he was clicking through by himself, and he learned to read and do math early,” she said. “So if we’d had the conversation then, I would have said they were great educational tools.”

But now that Trey is 9 and wild about video games, Ms. Calinan feels differently.

Last year, she sensed that video games were displacing other interests and narrowing his social interactions. After realizing that Trey did not want to sign up for any after-school activities that might cut into his game time, Ms. Calinan limited his screen time to an hour and half a day on weekends only.

So last Wednesday, Trey came home and read a book — but said he was looking forward to the weekend, when he could play his favorite video game.

As parents, we sometimes do not see the full ramifications of our decisions until it is too late. (I recently wrote about my regrets in letting my sons watch Star Wars.) But the times when we can see the writing on the wall, and make decisions now that will help our children later, are powerful. Setting media limits when kids are young makes it easier to keep things somewhat under control down the road.

We don’t have television at our house, but we do watch DVDs. I am strict about not watching DVDs on a school night. One of my sons occasionally complains about this rule, but we stick with it. I know that as they get older, and have more homework and after-school activities, the ground rules about DVDs will have already been set.  However, as Kim Calinan reports, parents can make changes mid-stream, especially if they have conversations with their children about their concerns.

I highly recommend the NY Times article – and the wide range of comments posted. It is a good snapshot of where were are today, and how as individuals with a variety of viewpoints, we view our current electronic media-filled world.

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