Empowered by Play » teens

Peggy Orenstein’s CINDERELLA ATE MY DAUGHTER

Geralyn — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:52:01 +0000

Peggy Orenstein’s book CINDERELLA ATE MY DAUGHTER wasn’t the book I hoped it would be – it was better.

I was hoping she’d knock the marketing giant flat on its exploitative keister and that her book would make a strong and irrefutable case against Disney’s shameless and relentless marketing to young girls – opening parents’ eyes to all harmful stereotypes that Disney foists on our young girls and boys. I was hoping for a lambasting.

Instead, Orenstein offers the reader a deeply nuanced, thoughtful and honest look into her personal journey of parenting her young daughter through the princess years. As a mother of only boys, I appreciated the chance to enter into the complicated world of raising a happy and confident daughter in our current “girlie-girl culture”. Orenstein looks at American Girl dolls, Bratz dolls, Hannah Montana, Britney Spears, Internet chat rooms, Greek myths and more, taking the time to see what is behind the headlines and what the research is telling us. She talks to other parents about the choices they are making for their daughters. Orenstein helps illustrate that as your child moves from preschooler to tween, teen and beyond, the choices you make and why you make them will help shape how your daughter sees the world – and sees herself in the world. The book is sort of a wake-up call to wake-up and be present in your daughter’s media life.

For a terrific interview with Orenstein, check out the podcast and transcript of her hour with Healthy Media Choices’ Mary Rothschild. Here is a powerful excerpt from the interview where Rothschild hits the nail on the head and helps crystalize the message that Orenstein is sending us:

Mary Rothschild: This is one of the keys, I think – intentionality. Being intentional, even if you decide to let all the Princess stuff in. Whatever you decide for your family, being intentional makes all the difference in the world. The child (senses it).

Peggy Orenstein: That’s actually a great way for me to put it, so I appreciate your telling me that. When I talk about it, I’m going to say that, if you don’t mind. I can’t tell you what decisions to make for your child but, whatever you do, to provide context. I wanted to start a conversation and I wanted to provide some context and information so that parents could make their choices more wisely, but I guess what that does mean is make them intentionally. If you’re going to let your daughter get the twenty-one-piece Disney Princess makeup kit, know what you’re doing. That’s fine. That’s your choice. That’s your right, but know what you’re doing.

Be intentional about your choices. Good advice for parents of boys, too. For the full podcast and interview please check out Healthy Media Choices.

Empowered by Play endorses Screen-Free Week!

Geralyn — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 14:56:19 +0000

How hard would it be for your family to forgo screen entertainment for one week? That includes video games, television, social media and texting – the whole kit-and-caboodle. Have you ever tried it? Maybe the electricity went out for a day or two from an ice-storm (that happened in our area last winter) and you and the kids didn’t have an inkling how to entertain yourselves. Or maybe you did. Maybe you dusted off the board games, read books together, or played cards. Chances are you talked to each other more than usual.

Going unplugged today is harder than ever for many of us. Consider these quotes from a recent article, Social Media: A Great Uncontrolled Experiment on Kids published by Internal Medicine News. The article quotes many experts in the field, including Dr. Rich, director of the center on media and child health at Children’s Hospital Boston; Dr. Shifrin, a Bellevue, WA–based pediatrician who served as the American Academy of Pediatrics’ consultant to Microsoft when it developed a family safety setting for Windows XP; Dr. Susan Greenfield, a neuroscientist who directs the Institute for the Future of the Mind at the Oxford Martin School, Oxford University in England; and Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O’Keeffe, a pediatrician and author of “CyberSafe: Protecting and Empowering Digital Kids in the World of Texting, Gaming, and Social Media“.

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According to a 2009 survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation, young people aged 8-18 years spend an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes each day with TV, video games, or computers, an increase of 1 hour and 17 minutes over the average in 2004. In addition, 66% of these youngsters own a cell phone (on which they text or talk for another 2 hours each day), 76% of them have an iPod or other media player, and 74% of kids in grades 7-12 say they have a profile on a social networking site such as Facebook.

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…social media eat into quality time together, said Dr. O’Keeffe, who has two teenage daughters and who authors a syndicated blog called “Dr. Gwenn Is In.”

“We’ve all been at restaurants where mom and dad are plugged into their Blackberries or iPhones and the kids have their game systems or their cell phones, and no one’s talking to one another,” she said. “We have a pretty strict rule at our house: no digital stuff or picking up the phone during family meals. When we go on vacation we lock the phones away. We go unplugged a few times a year. That teaches our kids that you can do it. Sometimes my 16-year-old will not turn on her computer for a few days in a row. I think you have to teach your kids when they’re young to resist the temptation. If they see you do it, they’ll do it.”

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Dr. Greenfield is concerned that children and adolescents who spend too much time on social media may be compromising the proper development of certain cognitive skills. “We know that people are getting good at processing information very quickly and efficiently – the kind of skills you have when you’re driving,” she said. “What we’re talking about is turning yourself into kind of a computer in a way: making efficient and fast responses as appropriate. This is very different from reading a book, which is very linear and slow. That’s what the brain needs to understand something usually; you don’t want to have it diluted and distracted, because the brain only has so much power. If it’s being employed in attending to lots of different things, it’s not going to be able to pursue a linear train of thought.”

The result, Dr. Greenfield offered, “could be an infantilizing of the brain, that we are going to create a generation of Peter Pans who live in a world that is a literal one, dominated by sensory content over cognitive significance, a world where what you see is what you get.”

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And here is my favorite, this quote is from Dr. O’Keefe:

Each generation that passes is going to be more digital. So while we still remember what an offline world is, if we can instill in the current teenagers and elementary school kids what it’s like to be unplugged, they’ll instill it in their kids, and it should pay forward.

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That idea of passing on the feeling of being unplugged to future generations is really an empowering idea for me. And it is what lead me to help organize a Turn-off Week at Mission Hill School where I worked in Boston. Now the event is called Screen-Free Week and it is being organized by our great friends at the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. We know the problems that a sedentary and screen-filled life can bring, and we know the benefits of getting outside; being creative; and playing and talking together. Since 1996 folks have been organizing screen-free weeks as a way to promote these ideas and to further the discussions about the choices for entertainment that we make as families and individuals.

Absolutely anyone can organize a Screen-Free week in their community: parents, teachers, librarians, clergy, activists, even kids. This year’s Screen-Free week is April 18 – 24th and for this event CCFC has created a new, improved Organizer’s Kit to walk you through the process; it includes suggestions for getting kids ready for the week by yours truly and my friend and TRUCE colleague Alexis Ladd, and all the activities and handouts you’ll need for a great Screen-Free Week—as well as 2 beautiful posters perfect for promoting. There are other materials you can purchase – such as t-shirts – and all of these purchases will help to spread the movement.

Time to turn off the screen and turn on the amazing world around us!

Milk Media Madness

Geralyn — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:38:18 +0000

Is it too much to ask that our school children eat a school lunch without being marketed to? I don’t think so. A few months ago, I wrote about Milk Media and their Milk Rocks! campaign. At that time I was upset about the Bakugan website advertised to my 5 year-old son on his school milk carton. Since then, both Milk Media and my local dairy have assured me that this won’t happen again. There won’t be a media character or a website advertised on their milk panels. Or, more accurately, there won’t be any website except for “Milk Rocks!”. Their website continues to be advertised to school children across the country every day.

Check out these images of some of their featured performers:

Every time I check out the Milk Rocks! website, I get more and more upset. The website features sexy singers (see above) and video games (some of them, such as 3 Foot Ninja II, are violent). They have trailers for all kinds of movies, including violent PG-13 movies such as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Their contests and content are aimed at older children (13 -18) though their website appears on milk cartons for students of all ages - including kindergartners and elementary students. Now, when I look at the website, I see that kids are encouraged to “become a fan of Milk Rocks! on Facebook”. I am not naive. I know that there are 11 and 12 year-olds on Facebook, but should school milk cartons be encouraging that?

Why is this happening? How is Milk Media allowed to do this? Their website states proudly: “Milk Rocks! connects with students using milk carton side panels to lunchroom posters and book covers. Our Dairy partners make it all possible – their delivery personnel are in and out of every school every day — delivering cartons, checking posters, distributing book covers. We don’t just ship materials and hope for the best, we’re there every day.” Well, I have been trying to get in touch with my local dairy to ask more questions about this, but don’t have any answers yet. I truly do not believe that Milk Media should have such easy access to our children – especially when most parents do not even realize what is going on.

Milk Media and their Milk Rocks! campaign claim their aim is to increase low fat milk consumption (as opposed to sugary drinks), though healthy messages are only a tiny portion of all that the website has to offer. There is a bit of information about the health benefits of drinking low fat milk. There is also advertising from smallsteps.gov which encourages water drinking and exercise, however that ad popped up less often than the Facebook and Twitter ads when I browsed the website. Their motto, “Plug in. Drink up.” just doesn’t sit right with me either. Apparently, the motto refers to the electronic music and milk, but to me it sounds as if they are encouraging kids to play video games while drinking. Maybe that’s just me.

In my eyes, Milk Media continues to pull a fast one on parents (and schools) across the country. Enough already! If you think so, too, write to them at info@milkmedia.com or info@milkrocks.com. Find out if schools in your area are involved, and if so, contact your local dairy and let them know how you feel.

“The Brawl Begins” when Milk Media meets my son

Troublemakers and Peacemakers

Small moments

Geralyn — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:08:55 +0000

Last night after dinner, my sons begged and begged to watch a DVD. We don’t have television, and we have a “No DVD on school nights” rule. I stood firm and upheld the rule. Oh, my goodness, were there tears. “It’s okay,” I said. “You can be sad.” One son, looking outside and seeing the light still in the sky implored, “Look, it’s still so early. Why can’t we watch a DVD? We have more time now.” I tried to explain (once again) the phenomenon of daylight savings and turning the clocks ahead one hour. It’s hard for a six-year-old to grasp. His brother tried a different tactic. “You can give us yogurt treats or you can let us watch something. You have to chose one.” Actually, son: I don’t. I did, however, remind the boys of their other options.

“You can go back outside and ride bikes. Or we can play backgammon. Or you can do LEGOs.” The boys didn’t immediately jump at any of those options. They weren’t quite done sulking yet. Eventually, one went back to the LEGO car he’s been working on, and his brother took me up on the offer to play backgammon. Halfway through the game the brothers joined forces against me in the backgammon game. We laughed and strategized. We tried our best to plan ahead; to anticipate each other’s moves; to make good decisions; and roll with the luck of the dice. They beat me fair and square. And by then it was time for the night time routine of bath, books and bed.

I am happy that I stuck to my guns about our school night rule, even though it initially made the boys sad. It would be easy to slide into the habit of watching DVDs every evening, but I know that small moments, such as beating mom at backgammon, and reading together, are too precious to give up. These small moments are disappearing from our busy lives. It is sad, because the cumulative effect of these small moments are connected relationships and emotional security. Instead, we often have electronic gadgets entertaining our babies (check out this AT&T commercial) and plugged in, multi-tasking, tweens, teens (see the recent Kaiser Family Foundation report) and stressed-out grown ups (see just about any of us).

So, here’s to singing off-key on long family car trips – instead of using headphones and video screens; to talking together and sharing laughs over dinner – and leaving the TV off during the meal; and to beating mom real good at backgammon – especially on a school night.

The Power of Parenting

Geralyn — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:51:52 +0000

I’ve been thinking more about the new report from the Kaiser Family Foundation and the great deal of bad news it has about our kids. For example: “Today, 8-18 year-olds devote an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes (7:38) to using entertainment media across a typical day (more than 53 hours a week).” The report adds that children who use the most media state they are getting lower grades, get in trouble a lot and are sad or unhappy, when compared to peers who are less plugged in.

So what is the good news? The good news is this: parent involvement makes a difference. “Only about three in ten young people say they have rules about how much time they can spend watching TV (28%) or playing video games (30%), and 36% say the same about using the computer. But when parents do set limits, children spend less time with media: those with any media rules consume nearly 3 hours less media per day (2:52) than those with no rules.“ (emphasis added)

It is heartening know, that even as the media explosion has exposed our children to more and more influences from outside the home, parents can still make a positive impact. That’s huge news, and I’ve been pondering the potential positive effects of mobilizing more parents to set media limits in their homes. If the KFF is finding that only three in ten young people have rules about TV, video games and computer use, imagine what would happen if we increased that number to six, seven or even eight out of ten. That would have an enormous effect on our children and our family life.

I have friends who are parents of teenagers, and they shut off their wireless internet at 10:oo p.m. every evening. Other parents take away phones at bedtime so their kids won’t text through the night. Many families turn off the TV during meal times. Kids are apt to complain about these kinds of rules – that’s their job, isn’t it? But in the end, telling your kids why you are making the rules, and having family meetings to review and revise rules as needed, will show your kids that you care about them.

What media rules do you have at your house? Share your ideas here and with other parents. Let’s work together to increase the number of kids who have media rules at home! I am determined not to be depressed by the bad news brought to us by the KFF’s study. Instead I am energized to activate parents!

Plugging in your kids – a slippery slope

Geralyn — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:45:31 +0000

Yesterday’s NY Times featured a great article about kids and electronic media consumption – If Your Kids Are Awake They’re Probably Online. The researchers were amazed at the increase they found, thinking that we’d already reached a saturation point. Turns out kids are multi-media tasking at an astronomical rate, with smart phones, computers and more.

“Those ages 8 to 18 spend more than seven and a half hours a day with such devices, compared with less than six and a half hours five years ago, when the study was last conducted. And that does not count the hour and a half that youths spend texting, or the half-hour they talk on their cellphones.

And because so many of them are multitasking — say, surfing the Internet while listening to music — they pack on average nearly 11 hours of media content into that seven and a half hours.”

That is more time than they spend in school! In the comment section after the article, many teachers wrote in and reported rampant texting during class time. So even when kids are in school, they are often still plugged-in.

One mom’s story in particular hit home for me:

In Kensington, Md., Kim Calinan let her baby son, Trey, watch Baby Einstein videos, and soon moved him on to “Dora the Explorer.”

“By the time he was 4, he had all these math and science DVDs, and he was clicking through by himself, and he learned to read and do math early,” she said. “So if we’d had the conversation then, I would have said they were great educational tools.”

But now that Trey is 9 and wild about video games, Ms. Calinan feels differently.

Last year, she sensed that video games were displacing other interests and narrowing his social interactions. After realizing that Trey did not want to sign up for any after-school activities that might cut into his game time, Ms. Calinan limited his screen time to an hour and half a day on weekends only.

So last Wednesday, Trey came home and read a book — but said he was looking forward to the weekend, when he could play his favorite video game.

As parents, we sometimes do not see the full ramifications of our decisions until it is too late. (I recently wrote about my regrets in letting my sons watch Star Wars.) But the times when we can see the writing on the wall, and make decisions now that will help our children later, are powerful. Setting media limits when kids are young makes it easier to keep things somewhat under control down the road.

We don’t have television at our house, but we do watch DVDs. I am strict about not watching DVDs on a school night. One of my sons occasionally complains about this rule, but we stick with it. I know that as they get older, and have more homework and after-school activities, the ground rules about DVDs will have already been set. However, as Kim Calinan reports, parents can make changes mid-stream, especially if they have conversations with their children about their concerns.

I highly recommend the NY Times article – and the wide range of comments posted. It is a good snapshot of where were are today, and how as individuals with a variety of viewpoints, we view our current electronic media-filled world.

No batteries required

Geralyn — Mon, 18 May 2009 12:02:00 +0000

This weekend I drove by a house with a group of about ten teenagers hanging outside. It was a beautiful sunny day and they were sprawled about the driveway. Some were just relaxing while others were busily making elaborate chalk drawings all over the driveway and sidewalk. The scene made me smile. It is not something you see everyday. I was thrilled to see teenagers playing outside and in such a low-tech way.

Sidewalk chalk is one vestige of days gone by. It is still readily available in drug stores, grocery stores and toy stores, and it reasonably priced. It is an open-ended, gender-neutral toy that does not have a microchip or batteries. Not too many of those around any more! Generic varieties of sidewalk chalk are still available, so you can easily steer clear of ridiculous media tie-ins.

I have watched a group of children draw elaborate chalk towns in which to drive their toy cars. The town will have schools, stores, gas stations, art museums, libraries and more. Given time and space (and a few rain-free days in a row) the children will return to their chalk-drawn world day after day, changing and adding as they go. I’ve watched other children write messages, practice their name, draw temporary graffiti art, play hopscotch, and more.

Here’s an idea – bring a bucket of sidewalk chalk to your next family BBQ, play date, or teenage party. See what happens. Maybe folks of all ages will discover their inner child and have good old fashioned fun with no batteries required!